My Hoodie With All the Holes In It

Like most people, I have a favorite sweatshirt. Technically, it’s a hoodie.

Scattered with holes from a lifetime of use, a bluish-purple speckled with white.

My wife hates it.

Last month, when the weather first started to pretend to get cold, I went looking for it. Couldn’t find it. So, I accused her of throwing it away. She denied these accusations and had the nerve to ask me if I’d actually looked for it yet.

I mean, good grief! Of course I looked for it.

But soon, I found it “hidden” right in my closet where I hung it up a few months ago. (No comment necessary. I’m a man. We have trouble finding things in closets and drawers. It’s biological.)

There’s a story about how I got this hoodie and it’s a boring story. I’ll tell you later. First, let me tell you about where all this bad boy has been.

One night I was on stage singing a song and decided to dedicate it to a girl I liked. Well, chicks dig guys with guitars (and hoodies) and now…

she’s my wife.

I wore the hoodie against all recommendations while interviewing for medical school. Got in despite myself, so the jokes on them.

In my third year of medical school, I changed from the hoodie to scrubs and assisted on a penile reconstructive surgery. (Yeah you read that right. I won’t give you the details. But let’s just say that some things can get broken that you definitely don’t want broken.) And I decided not to become a Urologist.

I had it on when I came across a motorcycle accident and helped stabilize the neck and clear the airway until paramedics arrived.

I wore it to the birth of twins. I wasn’t there to help deliver. I was there to make sure the babies were okay. They were.

This hoodie was there when Dak Prescott put Mississippi State on the map again. (That was a crazy year. At one point Ole Miss and MSU were tied for 3rd place. Oh how the mighty have fallen)

It’s been to Disney World 3 times. The St Louis zoo twice.  Haiti and Nicaragua.

I was wearing it one weekend and making rounds at the hospital when I was called to the ER to evaluate a teenager that was found unresponsive at home. He was not breathing and his heart had stopped. We did everything we could. Then I had to make the call that no doctor ever wants to make.

I wore it at the top of the St Louis Arch when I asked this girl I liked if she’d marry me.

I had it on when I shot myself in the back with an arrow. (Yes, that’s a true story. But I don’t have time to tell it today)

I had it on at the bar one night and called up a buddy to join me for some drinks. He declined. Turns out, he was in an AA meeting at the time.

I wore it to Miami to watch the Bulldogs get beat by Clemson. (Got to see the house that Lil’ Wayne bought from Shaq. And got to see the house that stood the tallest in Miami, owned by the guy that invented Viagra.)

I brought it with me to Philadelphia to get the most expensive tattoo ever.  And then a few years later to San Diego to get a less expensive tattoo.

I wore this sweatshirt to work one day and it snowed and snowed and we closed clinic and I went sledding with my kids.

It was there the day my first, second, and third child were born.  And as fate would have it, on the day I went to the courthouse to adopt my son.

It reminds me of  Sammy’s Super T-Shirt, a movie I watched as a kid.

This magical mix of cotton has seen it all and more…

Okay okay okay.  It’s time for full disclosure.

All those things did really happen, but I didn’t actually have the hoodie for all of them. It’s just been woven into the fabric of my story.

So here’s the real origin…

Several years ago, my wife and I flew to Lake Tahoe to see Daniel Tosh, the comedian. She came down with fever and chills. I was pretty sure she had the flu (Didn’t go to Harvard, but still they call me doc).  I paid some serious CASH $$$ for Tamiflu (because our insurance card didn’t work). Went back to the hotel and dosed her up. She drug her sick self to Tosh and then went straight back to bed. I stayed in the casino. Gambled a little. Lost some CASH $$$ and then we headed back home.

Our flight detoured through Chicago. It was December. It was cold. There was snow and ice.

They cancelled our connecting flights due to bad weather and put us up in a hotel for the night. Unfortunately our bags went on without us. So we had to go to Target and buy something to wear.

I bought this hoodie.

Then we went to Chipotle and had a burrito.

It was a good trip.

p.s.

I may or may not have had the hoodie on when you bought this book