I joke with a friend that she made poor life choices.
Because she had a kid.
Every time she talks about being up all night with her baby. I tell her “poor life choices.”
But don’t think I’m being harsh. It’s just a joke with a bit of irony. Because I have 4 kids myself.
And I don’t regret a thing.
I think a lot about how I could be better.
A better dad.
A better husband.
A better doctor.
A better friend.
It’s scary when you think about failing as a parent. I’m afraid if I fail too many times, I will have lost all my chances. That I’ll wake up one day and my kids will be grown. Out of my hair. On their own. And I’ll be sitting at home, by the phone, just waiting. Cats in the cradle.
What does it take to be better parent?
I eat lunch every Thursday with a group of friends. We’ve been friends since high school. I was in one of my melancholy moods one day and thought……there will be a time that we no longer meet up. Some day will be our last lunch together. We won’t plan it. There won’t be some big fight or fall out. It’ll just happen. A gradual decline of interest or enthusiasm. Maybe just too many other obligations.
What does it take to be a better friend?
I gave up my hospital practice a couple of years ago. I still have patients complain about it. I still regret it…kind of. Or maybe I’m just ambivalent. I don’t miss being called in the middle of the night. I do miss helping my patients through some of their most difficult times. But having balance in life comes with a price.
What does it take to be a better doctor?
I like to remind myself that perfect is the enemy of good. So I’m not talking about how to be perfect. Only how to be better? And what does that even mean?
How exactly are we judged? By God? By our friends and neighbors? By our kids?
Normally it’s us that do the judging. We may compare ourselves to everyone else. But we’re the ones that run ourselves down. In our mind. With our thoughts, our words, and our actions. Spending more time pretending than being.
We try to have the perfect Instagram life. Everything picturesque. Every party catered. Cute cupcakes. Clean outfits. Cool haircuts. The occasional llama or Lamborghini.
You see, life isn’t a competition with other people. And it’s not even a competition with ourselves.
Better is just a word. A concept within a framework of self awareness.
Knowing where you are and where you want to go.
It’s about understanding that today’s failures can be tomorrows accomplishments.
It’s about keeping the long view in mind.
It’s about challenging yourself. Pushing upward to new heights.
I train Jiu Jitsu. And I lift weights. I lift weights to get stronger. But getting stronger doesn’t help me get better at Jiu Jitsu. Only learning the skills. The repetition. The imprinting in my mind. The neuronal connections from my brain to my muscles. That’s what makes me better.
In other words…..time.
Time is what makes you better. Spending time doing the thing.
Practice. Execution. Failure. Repeat.
Every step is vital to being better.
Every day a little stronger.
Every day a little quicker.
Every day failing. Learning. Pushing forward.
Submit. Be submitted. It’s all the same.
The cycle of life.
We’re knocking on heaven’s door anyway. As this spinning ball of ice and fire makes it’s way into an ever expanding vortex of infinite potential.
And that’s where we find ourselves. Looking in the mirror. Graying hair. Frown lines. Low back pain.
But we’re holding on.
Because there’s work to be done.
Things to be set right.
A world to be explored.
Memories to make.
Happiness to embrace.
A wife to kiss.
Kids to raise.
Friends to see.
A life to live.
Every day.
A little bit….
Better.
p.s.
Here’s a fun hack to having a better life….. make someone else’s life better.
p.p.s.
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