So, You’ve Got the Metabolism of a Sloth? Let’s fix that…

Metabolic disease is running rampant and society’s body fat is rising faster than inflation in a Biden administration. (Okay, obviously not that fast)

If I only had a dollar every time someone told me that they never ate and still couldn’t lose weight…

But the truth is, a lot of people do struggle. Even when they seem to be doing all the “right things”.

And what are the right things anyway? Nothing is more confusing than nutritional science. Who do you listen to? What do you believe?

I mean, of course it’s really not that complicated: Eat real food. Exercise. Repeat.

But with our modern lives, what is real food? Our fruits and veggies are covered in pesticides, picked too early, shipped across the country while our meat is factory-farmed and sold to McDonald’s to be marketed to our kids with cartoons and creepy clowns.

Seed oils are in everything. The majority of “food” in the grocery store wasn’t even around 200 years ago.

Our jobs require advanced sedentary tools. Not only do we sit more, we have to stare at a screen with our backs hunched and our eyes strained.

But now I’m off on a tangent…

Sorry about that.

Let’s get back on topic. What can a modern person do to help improve their metabolism since our modern environment has royally jacked it up.

#1 Increase your protein intake

This is going to require you to know what foods have protein and do a little math.

Aim for 1g/lb bodyweight. This isn’t science. But it typically works well as a starting point for you to experiment with

Why so much protein?

Here’s an article from pubmed: Relatively high-protein or ‘low-carb’ energy-restricted diets for body weight loss and body weight maintenance?

Or you could read my previous article: You’re Old but Not Dead Yet. Drink a Protein Shake Already. Here’s Why…

#2 Be boring. Walk

Try making your life a little more boring. Add daily walks to whatever exercise you’re already doing.

Start by adding 10 minutes of fasted walking first thing in the morning. Increase as needed for desired results.

Be adventurous. Walk.

More walking? Good grief. What’s the deal.

Here’s the plan. Try making your life more difficult. Quit looking for the best spot in the Walmart parking lot. Instead, park right in the back. Take the stairs instead of the elevator. Walk a block before going in to work.

But, it’s not just about walking. I’m talking about trying to add extra physical activity to your life. This might suck.

But that’s kind of the point.

#3 Stop Walking so Much

Stop worrying so much about losing fat and start building muscle. More muscle means higher metabolic rate.

Do some type of resistance training at least twice a week. This might be lifting weights or it might be push ups in your living room. I don’t care how you start, just start.

Here’s another hack: If you’re able, add a few sprint sessions to your weekly work outs.

Maybe one or two times a week, try to run up a hill as fast as you can. Walk back down and then run back up. Do this a few times and then you’re done. Go back to your couch and chill.

If you’ve seen Stranger Things, then you know that even listening to the song Running Up that Hill can fight demons.

#4 Don’t just act cool, be cool

Start reaping the benefits of cold showers.

Take your normal shower and at the end, turn it to cold. Try ten seconds then turn back to warm. Wait a little bit, then repeat.

Over the next few weeks try increasing your time in the cold.

This is going to give you more energy, activate brown fat, and burn calories.

Don’t believe me:

Check out this article from the Journal of Clinical Investigation…

Cold acclimation recruits human brown fat and increases nonshivering thermogenesis

Or this one from National Institute of Health…

How Brown Fat Activates Your Metabolism

#5 Keep your heroin use to a minimum

I treat a lot of addiction, so I should just say that I might be biased, but I think drugs should be used very rarely… if at all.

Heroin might make you feel good at the moment but it will ruin your life.

Hey, I just realized that I typed heroin! I meant to say sugar.

Treat pop tarts, corn syrup, bread, french fries, and alcohol like the drugs they are. They may be okay recreationally, but know your triggers and get help if your life has become unmanageable.

P.S.

ANNOUNCEMENT:

MY new book How to Take Drugs is finished.

I’m just trying to do a little editing here and there.

So stay tuned…

P.P.S.

If you really want to ramp up your metabolism, join TEAM SUZY SUNSHINE and run (or walk) the St. Jude Half Marathon with us.

Even if you don’t lose any fat, at least you’ll get to go to heaven.

(I’m told that last statement might not be accurate, talk to your priest and don’t take religious advice from people on the internet)

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