READ THIS…. If You Struggle With Depression and Self Doubt

“How are you always so happy?”

She asked me this as I was walking into the exam room.

What she meant was: How can I be so optimistic and positive when dealing with death and disease all day?

Well, it’s simple.  But first I need to explain a few things.

The truth is, we all struggle with self doubt, anxiety, and depressive thoughts.  At least some of the time.

But for many people this isn’t just an occasional occurrence, but a daily battle.  And one they often feel they are losing.

Let’s talk about a common thread I see in patients that struggle with depression and self doubt.

It’s a called a negative mental filter.

It’s strange how a negative comment can effect you.

Since I started blogging and doing videos for Youtube… I’ve had people tell me I was clueless.  Unorganized.  A rambler.  Incompetent.   Useless.  Likely a drug addict.  A thug.   That I was only out for money.  And my all time favorite…I was going to Hell because I didn’t believe the earth is flat.  (yeah, you read that right)

Criticism can hurt.  No doubt about that.  But it’s amazing how easy it is to forget the positive remarks and only remember the negative ones.

We forget that for every minute thing we mess up, there’s at least ten things we did really well.

It’s crazy how easy it is to create a world where you believe the negativity so much..it’s all you see.

Let’s face it…It’s easy to see the negative.  It’s easy to feel bad when things don’t go our way.   We don’t get the promotion.  Our parents die.  Our kids get bullied.  We diet and run but just can’t lose weight.  Our family turns their back on us.  We lose our car keys on the one day we can’t be late for work.  You get the picture.

Many times, the future seems so bleak that there’s not much else to see.  Especially not a positive outcome. When you’ve got cancer, or your kid has autism, or your too disabled to keep working.  Or it’s just a matter of time until the money runs out and you won’t be able to pay your power bill.

This type of outlook is called a negative mental filter.

A negative mental filter is when you filter out all the positive aspects of something and only see the negative.

This mental filter carries over to all aspects of your life.  As you continue to filter out the positive, your view of the world becomes completely skewed.  It’s not reality.  Or at least not the real reality.

Kind of like someone that gets a raise and then complains about having to pay more in taxes.  Or you get a day off from work, but complain because it’s raining and there’s nothing good on Netflix.  Or you miss a few questions on a test and ignore that you got most of the questions right.

This mental filter is a distortion that warps your mind and keeps you feeling bad.

It’s a made-up world.  One where everything bad always happens to you.  Who would want to live in that world?

If you suffer from depression and anxiety, then this is probably a contributing factor.

Now, you might say…”I’m not that bad.  I’m not always negative”

Well good.  I hope that’s the case.

But the truth is, we all do this at times.  And it’s best to just admit it, learn from it, and fix the damn problem.

HERE’S HOW TO FIX THE PROBLEM  (i.e. FIXING A NEGATIVE FILTER)

1. IDENTIFY
2. REFRAME

Identify

Just by realizing that you’re doing this, can be a game changer.  That is of course, if you actually want to be happier.

Start with small things.

Every time you think a negative thought or say something pessimistic.  Stop.  And realize what you’ve done.  Make a note of it (mentally or on paper) and then move on.

At the end of the day, reflect over your interactions and thoughts.  In what ways were you pessimistic or negative?

Reframe

After you’ve identified your negativity, reframe your thinking.

Reframing is just a technique for seeing things from a different perspective.  In this case, it’s seeing the positive.

Now, I know you’re not going to change your thinking overnight.  But if you’ll start with small things, they can add up over time.

Let me give you some practical techniques to use.

Every time you criticize someone in your head, immediately try and find two positive things to say or think about them.  It doesn’t have to be said out loud or to the person.  Just think it in your mind.  Find two things you can be grateful for or that you’ve noticed.  This needs to be a genuine response and not lip service.  Something simple works.  Example: They have a nice haircut.  They seem to genuinely love their kids.

After you’ve practiced this technique for a few days, start adding in situations.

Example: You look in the mirror and you start to see various flaws.  “I’m getting wrinkles, my hair is getting gray, I could stand to lose a few pounds.”

Immediately stop and start to speak positivity into your life.  Find things that you like about yourself.  And point them out to yourself.  This isn’t vanity.  It’s not narcissism.  It’s showing gratitude for how God made you.  It’s medicine for your soul.

Example:  You go to the doctor and have labs checked.  Your cholesterol is elevated.  Maybe previously you would have said to yourself, “I’ve been on medicine for two years and it’s not working.  It never works.  Nothing ever works for me.  I can’t even get this right.  Why does nothing ever work out for me?”

Now reframe and bring in a positive aspect: “I’m on meds and my cholesterol is still elevated.  Maybe this gives me the opportunity to re-evaluate my diet.  It’s good I’m getting this information now so I can work on things to help prevent a heart attack or stroke.  I’m glad that I tolerate my meds well.  I’m glad that I have such an awesome doctor. (Just threw that one in there for ya 😉

Here’s another: You have to work on a Friday, but you’re normally off on Fridays.  Instead of thinking, “This always happens to me.  My weekend is ruined.”  Focus on something good, such as…I’m glad I have a job to go to, even if I’d rather be at home.  There are a lot of people without this opportunity.  I’m glad I’m healthy enough to work.   I’m going to use this work day to find at least one person I can help that I didn’t get to help the rest of the week.  Or my favorite, “Fridays feel like a holiday and working holidays can actually be fun, because everyone is in a celebratory mood!” (I’ve used this one myself a few times)

The thing is…there are no rules.

You can be creative and come up with your own positivity reframes.

Trust me, THIS WORKS!

And it will make you feel better, happier, more in control of your life.

Will this erase your depression?  No.

Will it erase your trauma?  No.

But it will make you better than you were yesterday and isn’t that worth it?

Your mind will thank you.  Your body will thank you.  And the future you will thank you.

But look…I know what you’re thinking.  “Doc Park, you’re just hoping we’ll all be optimists like yourself.”

Well….you got me.

You’re right.  But there’s more to it than that.

I don’t want you to be like me.  I want you to be like YOU.  Just a happier version of you.

I’m not just an optimist. I’m a brutal optimist.

I know the world has some dark corners in it.  I’m not naive, and I won’t ignore that.

Being an optimist is not “seeing the bright side of things.”

It’s seeing the dark things but finding a way through them anyway.

So there you go guys.

I hope that helped.

And I hope you find your way through the dark corners of this world.

Hold up a candle.

And let that light shine bright.

p.s.

Want to help kids that are fighting cancer and other debilitating diseases?  Of course you do.  Join our St. Jude team and run the Half Marathon with us on December 7.  If you can’t run, you can still join the team and send some love.

Team Name: Suzy Sunshine.

JOIN HERE

p.p.s.

Tired of seeing my book in the trash?  You can still get your copy HERE