5 Ways Jesus Could’ve Made His Parables Better

As I get older, I have become more and more fascinated with people’s stories.

I am in a privileged position as people open up their lives to me.  For example, it is quite common for patients to tell me, “you are the only person I can talk to.”

What they mean is, other people don’t listen.  All they feel is judgement.  What they mean is, they want to be accepted.

When you hear someone’s story, you see their life from a completely different point of view than your own.  You have a better understanding of their hurts, desires, and broken dreams.  There is no place for judgement, only open ears.

Stories are important.  Stories are powerful.

Stories are a good way to make a point.

Jesus knew this.

When pressed for his “life philosophy”, Jesus summed it up like this:  Love God, Love others.  And to explain his philosophy deeper, he told stories.  These stories were called parables.

Now, I’m not a theologian.  And I’m not one to criticize.  But I have to wonder if there wasn’t a better way for Jesus to make his point.  Could he have improved his technique?

I mean, the goal is conversions right?  I think maybe the All-knowing could have taken some advice from the advertising greats.  Possibly honed his copywriting skills.  Maybe watched a few episodes of Mad Men. With the right tweaking, his message could have reached the entire world.

5 ways Jesus Could’ve Made His Parables Better

#1. Use a Sales Funnel

A sales funnel is simply a tool used to make a sale.  Marketers love a good sales funnel. They are everywhere on the internet.  You start by taking in a large number of possible converts.  Next, you increase the focus and specificity until you are left with the few that actually purchase your product.

In our discussion: sales=souls.

A sales funnel is actually quite effective.  Free content is normally used to get potential customers into the funnel.  It doesn’t have to be sleazy.  And your ultimate goal is offering value to people, not ripping them off.

Remember, the key is to get people into the funnel and the way to do this, is by offering high-quality, free content.  Next, use your skills of copywriting and persuasion to squeeze them down the funnel.  Then comes your call to action.  Or better known as the BUY NOW button.

There are several ways, Jesus could’ve brought people into his funnel.  At the time, he mainly used sermons, word of mouth, miracles, and good deeds.

Here’s some basic ways that may have been a game changer:

• Start a podcast.
• Offer a “MasterMind” course
• Have a free webinar, outlining the 7 habits of winners
• Give away free fish and bread to attendees (Oh, wait. He already did that)

#2.  Use Google Adsense

Now, I know what you’re thinking.  How does this help with his parables?

It doesn’t.

But he could have used the power of advertising to make some cold, hard cash.  I mean, why not?

He should’ve leveraged his miracles to make some money.  He could’ve sold seating for the sermon on the mount. He could’ve made the disciples pay a membership fee.  (Who wouldn’t pay to walk on water?) When he kicked all the merchants and money changers out of the temple, he could’ve set up his own booth.  No competition.

I have a lot of atheist friends.  And I get where they are coming from.  How can you trust someone that just walks around preaching good news, healing the sick, and giving comfort to the poor…….all for free?  Without ever selling anything?

I heal the sick too.  And I charge.

Jesus should’ve known that people don’t put any faith or value into something they get for free.

#3.  Use Facebook to Improve Brand Awareness

Personal vs Business page?  I think for Jesus, personal.  It would seem less authentic for him to have a business page.

But seriously, how many likes do you think the King of Kings could get?  I’d say a lot.

His memes would be everlasting.  When he posted “Like and Share because Jesus is watching”, it would be the truth.

If he would have used this platform effectively, we could all be sitting around and singing the classic hymn “What a Facebook friend we have in Jesus”

#4. Use Parables to Share a Deeper Truth (but dumb then down a little)

No one ever seemed to know what Jesus was talking about.  They didn’t know what the parables meant.

People were always asking him, “What did that mean?”

You have to know your audience.  It makes a difference if you are talking to the head of the Sanhedrin vs a small town carpenter.  You have to make it relatable to the person listening.  Maybe if he had been a little better at telling a story, a little better at targeting his audience, then people would have understood.

Another thing he could have done, is open with a joke.  People need to be entertained.  This is a basic fact.  A story is good, but a joke is better.

Maybe he could’ve just used some platitudes.  Any basic self-help guru could have helped him with this.

Which kind of leads us to the next way…..

#5.  Have a Catch Phrase

Here’s a few that I think he could have used:

• Life is short, pray hard 
• I am my own homeboy
• A salvation you can believe in
• Make Nazareth Great Again

A catch phrase is an important aspect of persuasion.  Jesus really needed a catch phrase.  Something that people could have latched onto.  That way, even if the meaning was lost, they would remember the phrase.

This may be the singly most important thing he could have done to enhance his message.  And by enhancing the message, he could have made more sells.  Sells=souls.

Look, at this point you are thinking: It’s not all about sells.  Jesus wasn’t in the business of marketing.  Jesus was perfect.  He healed the sick.  He comforted the poor.  He gave hope to the hopeless.  But what you fail to realize is that there was another way Jesus could have been more effective.

And that would be if he had harnessed the power of sarcasm.

But maybe I missed something.

Maybe I missed the point.

If you hate sales funnels, cheesy gimmicks, click bait articles, and doctors that pretend to be writers, but you love free stuff….then you should sign up for my NEWSLETTER.  It’s FREE!!!

p.s.

I’m getting closer to finishing my book.

p.p.s

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